So, my balls have periodically been hurting since Monday. Last night my left one decided to idle at a constant annoyance, so I decided to take initiative. Allow me to summarize today's events:

Robby calls student health clinic
RECEPTIONIST: Sup?
ME: Listen here, bitch. Somethin' ain't right with my junk.
REC: Eleven o'clock?
ME: No. Two.
REC: Aight.
Robby goes to the clinic
REC: Fill this shit out.
ME: Word.
Robby fills out a form and is summoned by the nurse. Robby waits. Doctor busts the fuck in.
DOCTOR: Let me feel that junk. Piss in this.
ME: No doubt.
DOC: Ain't nothin' wrong witch yo ass. Get up outta here.

They told me to wear a jock strap, take Ibuprofen, and get "testicular rest." I think that equates to watching season six of The Sopranos all at once.

Possible causes of this ailment:

• Too many push-ups
• A dog ran up to me and punched me in the balls last Sunday. I caught balls-rabies AKA lockballs
• I am getting a kidney stone, thus inheriting undesirable trait #2 from my father
• I am gay and my body is retaliating against Ashley
• I have been standing too close to the microwave
• Aliens

Ravi struck at 17:36