I once again have a job that allows me to ponder many things:

If you feed me after midnight or get me wet, I spawn a type of creature called a Robwai.  A litter of them pop out of my back, and it hurts like a biotch.  They are one-foot-tall versions of me.  Every batch contains Robwais of different egos: benevolent, evil, crazy/whacky, buck-toothed and clueless, sophisticated/educated/british accent, etc.  But most of them will just be indifferent.  I would want the indifferent ones to sit on my shoulders and make sarcastic comments and stuff.  I would also have the one on my left shoulder tune my guitar for me every time.  Man, that'd be sweet..